""Abandon hope."" — Pema Chödrön
I packed hundreds of boxes, and sent them in a tractor trailor across the country. Three days, in a tiny 2000 Saturn, with two kids, 2 rats, one guinea pig, one hamster, one turtle and my crazy heart, I drove 1684 miles across the states to live in what I hoped would be paradise. I wanted to make it a memorable trip (as if we wouldn't remember the traveling circus) so we stopped at various offsites and visited the Muffler Men (google it ;) along the way. Funny, the only thing I remember is cleaning poopy cages every night and stopping at Krispy Creme in Asheville, NC at 6 am. We grabbed a few donuts (it wasn't a chain yet so this was a real treat) and headed into Winston Salem traffic. Traffic was bumper to bumper and 60 miles to town. This is a good time for a Krispy Kreme! As I bit into the the satanic morsel, the sugar encapsulated my teeth and danced a jig in the roots. Pepper spray couldn't have been more effective. With tears pouring, I forced my way over to a gas station. Toothpaste was my only quest. I should have taken this as a sign.
Two years later, and all the wiser (not) I returned home. The hardest thing I ever did was leave someone I loved. Harder still is leaving someone that you know loves you. I filled my heart with hope and wrapped it around a dream. It truly was a dream to live near the Atlantic Ocean and be in love but I was so alone. The seagulls' caw only reminded me of my sorrow. I had to return to a place where I was physically and emotionally stronger, for my children's sake, and my sanity. How much of ourselves we lose in desperation to be loved. Trying to fill that lonely place is like filling a sieve with sand. It is the nature of our humanity and the nature of samsara.
Alas, tonight, Cecchi-Chianti-Classico, a tart red that will tie your belly hair in knots. Good for those I-hate-you-days. My mom likes to sweeten it up with 7up. I know, we make terrible sommeliers but the best consumerliers.
