"How come ''fat chance'' and ''slim chance'' mean the same thing?" --Ziggy, cartoon
Big O swears by the Spanx! After a couple of weeks, struggling with eat this and not that (fats vs. sugars), I decided to eat handfuls of bacon. I then washed it down with a few handfuls of chocolate truffles and Mexican Coke (real sugar not corn syrup). I never want pastries, gravies, and lard unless I tell myself I cannot have it. I always live and eat moderately with occasional hedonism, (usually liquor not food). After reading an Oprah article, I splurged and bought myself a Spanx (singular? plural? masculine? feminine?) in size extra large. This will give me a little extra breathing room and still hold in the goods - I thought. OMG! If I bought the triple extra large, it would not have mattered. The Spanx were all the same size on the rack and very pricy. It is a definite cash-in on your Twiggy fantasies. After a half hour of horizontally packing my fat ass into this tube (no zippers, no little 1920 lace and eyelets, not even 1970's snaps in the crotch ), I swore to bejesus that I was going to squeeze out a poop! I don't think that the inventor of Spanx has claustrophobia. My trepidations of being buried alive and my recurring nightmares of waking in a house so small, I hit my head on the ceiling while springing out of bed, bubbled into blazing anxiety! After rolling myself off the edge of bed, in an attempt to stand - cold sweats, hot flashes, dry throat, nausea, vertigo! A worried cat watched me flail out of this rubber band, as it snapped off and flung across the room, and I crumpled into neonatal relief.
I can't imagine Oprah or any other woman can actually wear Spanx for any length of time. Our society is slowly creeping back to the dark ages, binding ourselves and taking potions so that we can continue to indulge without regret. We base our self worth on our outer beauty and other's opinions about ourselves. 50 is the new 40, 30 the new 20! Keep lying to us media! We try to achieve eternal life without accepting our fate and compassionately caring for each other.
Alas-- tonight Black Box Merlot - 5 ounces. Heh - 4 bottles in one box for half the price! Gotta support my indulgence within budget and environmentally friendly! :)
