"You have to live with the consequences of your actions" (last text to my 19-year old daughter 12/2/09 after a huge fight). Difficult to proceed from there...
It's been a week since we have talked or texted, and I sorely miss her. I know she is safe because I check in with my estranged husband daily. He has been sworn to disclose very little information about her, lest he get the "claw." I know she continues to make her decisions without my approval (not that it was requested or appreciated) be they good or bad (my opinion, of course). I hope that she is taking care of her legal obligations (this being what I want to know about most since it affects her future- and mine!).
She's always had a strong head on her shoulders, which includes a strong opinion, a strong voice, and most certainly, strong words. This is what makes up the best part of her character, and something I have always admired and encouraged. This isn't always an accepted character in society, especially in a woman, so I always treaded lightly while teaching her to use this magnificient weapon.
I had and probably still have a shelled existance. Wanting to make a difference and change the world, I revert to keeping the peace (and my mouth shut). I address issues in a round about way with my family and friends. If any one exhibits some sort of agitation or descent, I flee beneath a calm abiding - zen like - until the storm subsides. Sometimes the issue is addressed again; mostly it is set aside in polite manner until the same issue exhumes!
I then wonder why my life is in it's current state and why my problems still exist! So my ego has caged me for a week, unable to text (preferable communication tool at the moment) my daughter, fearing I have crossed a line with her and fearing that I have not crossed it soon enough so therefore I have crossed it again!
Alas, tonight a martini! - dirty, generic gin, (since that's all I have in the cupboard and I am broke till Friday and my budget is so tight til christmas that anything i buy for myself is one less gift for a loved one - another story) with two spanish stuffed mmm ... uhhh olives with jalepeno!
Hi J,
ReplyDeleteI've experienced the awkward/painful silence that exists between a falling out with a loved one and the point at which we reconnect. We all do at some point in life, huh? For some reason with children it is harder than with others...maybe because we love them soooo much.
I say "awkward" because I don't quite know when and what to say to reconnect, and "painful" due to the loss of contact in my life. It's never an easy experience. Should I stand my ground to prove a point? Should I let them cool off? Would it be more advantageous to wait so they see the importance of my point? Am I doing/saying the right thing? Will they reject me if I try to make amends to soon? Am I right? Am I wrong?
I always try to keep an open mind and a welcoming disposition; as well as never totally shutting another out of my life. Life is too short for that.
Besides, each person that crosses my path, I believe, has something tremendous and wonderful to share with me; that I'll learn from (be it good or bad).
I've learned that time and my heart always come together at the right moment to tell me what is best to do---be that a call to reconnect within hours/minutes, or will it be better to wait. Intuition is an amazing thing.
I hope the martini hits the spot!